I remember hearing from people that we, people living in America, live in an instant-gratification culture. Dr. Brene Brown stated, in reference to this perspective, that we want things to be fast, fun, and easy. Reading and listening to these words, I thought I was above it all. I thought I understood patience.
I was wrong.
At the end of last year, I decided to take on certain projects, projects that were meaningful and significant to me. With this in mind, I thought if I just worked my ass off in two months I should see results. I should see opportunities rushing through my door. Instead I saw nada. Yes, I saw certain improvements in certain areas of my life but I wanted my visions of success to be realized in two to three months.
However, I came face-to-face with my insecurities, feelings of inadequacy, jealousy and bitterness. I thought, “I must not be good enough, talented enough, pretty enough, fast enough. Why should I even try?” Eventually, feeelings of giving up ensued.
Through this deep trench I was digging myself in, I still kept showing up. I still practiced on my craft(s) for hours at a time. I pushed through my whining and insecurities. I pushed so much that there were certain days I couldn’t walk because I was too tired, but I still practiced at least an hour. Finally, I gave myself permission to relax.
In that period of relaxation and reflection(certain times throughout the day), I realized that everything takes time. Everybody is fighting a personal fight and all I can do is give my all and do my best with every ounce of heart and life in me. That is all I have control over.
Things have been hard since I don’t get to spend as much time with my mother, but I realized this is my lack of planning and incorporating things that matter to me in my schedule.
Tomorrow is a new day, but I already feel quite different. I feel more compassion for myself and others. I feel more determined despite not knowing when I will see the results. I feel I have a greater understanding of what is important to me and what I want to contribute and share with the world. Chasing dreams is not for the faint of heart. I guess I understand now why embarking on such journeys can truly transform one’s being.
Here’s to learning and growing and accepting all the joy and pain that come with that package.